John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work provides in detail the ways in which a person could have a healthy marriage and by extension the principles also generally apply to romantic relationships in general and perhaps even just friendships. I'll put this principles in my own words to make them more perspicuous; you can read the book if you want his words.

The first principle is to increase your knowledge about each other. You ought to be able to know, for example, who your signif

If you can get past Gottman's ego in the first few chapters, you'll find some very sensible and useful advice from his extensive study of couples. Some of it seems obvious, some not, but all the content worthwhile to review at some level, probably every 5 years or so. There are even questionnaire/exercises in each chapter.

Some key points (from memory)
Be friends; invest time daily in knowing what/who's bothering or exciting the other; don't necessarily try to "fix" unresolvable conflicts (you don

I wanted to dislike this book. The title looks like a bald-faced rip-off of Stephen Covey and the author seems to think he's the only person who has ever had a profound thought about marriage. Gottman proclaims that his ideas are different, but there are many similarities between his prescriptions and those of the therapists he disdains. Still, my full head of righteous indignation was wasted, because Gottman won me over by the end.

First, some background. Early in my own marriage I took a serie

I'm confused by John Gottman. His work is mentioned respectfully by sociologists and other therapists: he went into his Love Lab and figured out what makes relationships fall apart, it's kind of revolutionary. And then the big insight is that if people get really worked up about mundane disagreements to the point that they're making shitty personal attacks on their partner or shutting down and not engaging in the discussion, the marriage is probably not going to work. It's less a primer on how t ...more

Most of the material and practical advice provided in this book made me very uncomfortable to follow and put it into practice, I guess the old saying is correct indeed, you need to be uncomfortable at times to make your lives better.

This book offers seven principles to cope with your marriage and improve it for betterment. Each principle has a questionnaire to evaluate where your relationship stand in terms of a positive aspect which is essential for a good marital relationship and it also inclu

An excellent book that I think married and single people who would like to one day marry should read! John Gottman and Nan Silver studied marriages for over twenty years, following the same couples. They observed how the couples talked to each other...the every day chit chat, the serious conversations and even the fights. What they curiously observed is that fighting is not what breaks marriages up. In fact, fighting can be good for marriages in some ways.

What they did find is that in the couple

Takeaways from reading the book:

Principle # 1: Find out who your partner is. Examples of questions to ask:
1. What is your favorite app? Why?
2. What stresses you the most in your life? Why?
3. What is the best way for you to relax? Why?
4. What emotions do you feel about work you do? Why?
5. How would you design your perfect home? Why?
6. Who are your 2 best friends? Why?

Principle # 2: Express admiration for your partner.
- Page 74 and 283: Say thank you to your partner.
- Page 82: Express appreciatio

Back in April of this year, Dr. Liz Hale, a licensed clinical psychologist, started her remarks to a local audience of more than 100 mental health professionals by saying, “Dear fellow colleagues, you are in danger of having an affair.”

Her point was that every marriage, even those of the marriage gurus, is vulnerable to infidelity–be it sexual or emotional. Individuals have to actively curb all the subtle and often innocent beginnings that lead to unfaithfulness.

“We make the mistake of thinking

My favorite quote in the whole book: “Working briefly on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club” (p. 261).

Overall, one of the better books I've seen on fostering a happy marriage. A very useful read for any couple seeking to improve their conflict resolution skills or just strengthen their relationship. Gottman's principles are supported by some of the best research anywhere on marital relations, although he's obviously very proud of

Why is it considered normal to consult a manual and put work into maintaining a car, but not a relationship?

This book can be pretty cheesey a lot of the time, but it contains lots of exercises, is easy to read, and is based on principles and evidence that is highly regarded in the field (which surprised me).

From his experimental "love lab", Gottman observed tons of couples that worked and didn't. His findings inform the book. Some nuggets:
- most arguments cannot be resolved
- biggest predictors o

I probably should rank this book higher. I think the principles are sound and obviously well researched. I imagine that everything he says in here is true. It's just not the kind of marriage book that inspires me. It is too much of "do this and don't do this" rather than providing inspiration and perspective on marriage. For example one chapter talks about chores that he does/she does and contains a list of chores that you can go through with your spouse to determine what is fair. Stuff like tha ...more

Although part of me thinks I shouldn't read so many books about marriage before I'm married (it can be depressing to sift through all the potential problems that are being addressed in these self-help books), I'm also drawn to them because it's so hard for me to wrap my head around the reality of marriage, and I've always been someone for whom research has provided much reassurance and comfort. So, although I might be putting the cart before the horse, I really like to get things right!

As far as

Hands down the best most practical marriage advice book I've ever read. I will be reading it again and giving it away. I've read Gottman's work before, but this book is essential to anyone whose marriage isn't perfect. ...more

Dr. John Gottman became famous for his work in Seattle's "Love Lab," a research apartment wired with cameras he used to observe how volunteer couples communicated with one another. Through his observations, Gottman discovered patterns of communication that correlate with lasting relationships.

Among Gottman’s observations was that the frequency of a couple’s fights had less to do with relationship success than other factors including whether or not they had compatible styles of dealing with conf

This book reads like intro to therapy concepts for (perhaps ideally boomer) heterosexual couples. The activities seem to be the best and most useful aspect, while I found many of the rationalizations for why (cisgender, heterosexual) men and women behave the way they do to be reductionist, regressive and old-school (for example, claiming the reason girls play family-centered games and have pretend weddings as kids is due to biology... really?). I enjoyed listening to add perspective to relations ...more

I first read about Gottman's marriage research in Maclom Gladwell's Blink. Since I am interested in all things social science, I picked up this book at the library. The content is interesting and applicable, even if some/much of it feels common sense. The biggest downfall of the book is Gottman's egoistic prose. (He has been at the forefront of research in his field - and I would have believed him the first time he mentioned it.) ...more

I started out loving this, despite the fact that Gottman's ego is ginormous. When he suggests couples bond by gossiping about other people, it goes downhill fast. I only got about half way through CD 3 before calling it quits. (on his book, not my marriage) ...more

I haven't read a lot of marital counselling books, yet I feel good about claiming that this one is the best one out there. This has been one of the most enlightening and thought-provoking books I've ever read. The best part is: It's simple and practical. He doesn't dwell on complext theories of romantic love and its components--he focuses on what's been shown to make marriages work. ...more

Please read that book if you are in a relationship! If you really think you are really good at it, you are not! Your relationship might die if you don't work on it. So please make yourself a favor and learn how you can get better. ...more

This is not just a book for professionals, its for anyone who wants to make their marriage stronger. Its easy to use, and easy to buy into. John and Julie Gottman have spent over 40 years researching, writing about, and working with couples, and they are the hallmark of what they do - creating marriages that last and sustain. I am teaching the Gottman Method tomorrow, and I enjoyed this read and learned a lot. But this is one of those books a person grows with, just because.

This is also my June

I think the takeaway is that Austin and I are incredibly compatible!

Try reading this book single, and then reading it again with your partner once you're coupled and you'll likely get good results.

The book is an even balance of theory and practice exercises. For this review, I'm going to focus on the theory as I haven't had the opportunity to try the exercises out with a partner.

Here are some of my takeaways:

1. Having a baby is hard on a relationship: "about 67% of couples experience a large drop in marital satisfaction in the three years after the birth of the

I did not love Gottman as a person, but this did help me see my areas in need of improvement. After reading this, I'm working on softened startups in arguments, accepting influence in parenting choices, putting my phone down when we're together, and cleaning more. ...more

Not scintillating reading, and JG is pretty self confident, and despite efforts to tone down binary sexism it still is pretty apparent, BUT a useful and necessary book that helped my spouse and I plug some of the holes in our leaky boat of a 22 year marriage in this pandemic year. One for the permanent shelf.

The author thinks rather highly of himself and his research, but as annoying as his attitude is, he does make some excellent points. I've been married for almost eleven years, and while I consider my marriage to be quite healthy, I definitely found this book to be helpful and informative. ...more

No the most positive outlook on marriage. Made it seem like men are lazy and women are shrews. Did not get much out of this one. It is hard to apply stereotypes to my relationship.

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

Let’s contextualize this book a little bit. There are two opposite popular approaches to marriage:
* Esther Perel’s one. In her book Mating in Captivity she argues that “our cultural penchant for equality, togetherness, and absolute candor is antithetical to erotic desire for both men and women.”
* John Gottman’s one. He argues that the closer and more open you are with your partner, the better you attune to them, the better is you marriage and sex.

Today we’re going to talk about Gottman’s approac

I would like to begin this review with a personal rant of mine.

Often times when I see people referring to their relationships, their life, their circumstances they tend to have this view that it's a special snowflake, unique, unusual, uncommon, singular, something which has never happened before.

I am sorry to break the bubble it's not. Most of us lie smack in the middle of the bell curve. It does not mean we cannot enjoy our experiences uniquely but it just means that there are patterns to eve

My husband and I read this together, on weekend mornings. We found it very practical, with lots of useful exercises and practices. Sound concepts too and a no-nonsense approach, that we appreciated.

The chapters were a bit long, so we split some in manageable chunks. Some exercizes are long too, but he recommends doing them over time, and perhaps discuss them on dates - which is what we did.

This will now be the book I will ALWAYS recommend to married couples, that want to nurture their relation